Monday, 11 July 2011

Lancashire Born & Sliced Bread

In the words of the superbly funny Jimmy Carr, “what’s the point of having a north south divide if we are not going to stick to it?”

Now seeing as Jimmy lives “daaaan saffff” I imagine that he was using this stereotype against us northerners. But personally I don’t like stereotypical people because I think that they are all the same, however, I do totally agree with him.

People’s perception of where this imaginary line lies is very different depending what part of the country you are from. Some think it’s at the Watford Gap Services, some Birmingham, some Stoke but personally we should enforce the divide & keep those “shandy suppers” south of, erm, well Manchester I think.

Them Southern folk “don’t speak proper like what we does” anyway.

In my life I have travelled extensively, north, south, east & west. I have even been to the US of A. Of course I am only talking about sunny Lancashire & the Uther Side of Accrington.

However, in Lancashire we are still 200 miles south of Glasgow and that in turn is nearly 300 miles from the top of Scotland. But we are still more Northern than they are!!

But, there can be divisions amongst our very ranks too.

Ask for a chip tea cake in Burnley, Nelson or the mighty Colne & you will receive one. Ask for the same thing in Rawtenstall or the USofA & they will at first look at you daft & then give you a chip butty with currants in it!!!!!

And for the benefit of anyone from the US of A, one with currants in it is called a “currant tea cake” I’ll have you know.

Beer however is a different kettle of fish.

We in Lancashire agree that we like to have a nice frothy head on our beer. I know I do.
On a football trip to Bristol to watch the super Clarets I had a pint of draught Bass that was so flat you could have served it in an envelope. The only thing with less life than that on that day was Burnley’s defence.

It appears to me that the further south you travel, the smaller the head on the beer. In fact I would wager that in the Channel Islands they actually give you more than a full pint.

I do not understand why people enjoy drinking beer that is essentially flat.

Greene King have recently introduced a new draught pump that can pull a “smooth & creamy” northern style pint and a “clean & crisp” southern style pint. They are basically admitting that there is a divide. But I wish more companies would do this. At least it means when us northerners have to travel to the dreaded big smoke we may actually be able to get a decent pint before we return to Gods country!

Recently I had the pleasure of seeing Tim Martin, The Wetherspoons Chairman, talking about his experiences. He actually changed all the glasses in his pubs to oversized (24oz instead of a pint 20oz) so that them southerners could get a full pint PLUS a bit of a head. However, this plan rather sensationally backfired on the pub leviathan. What happened you may ask? Well, the majority of people wanted their glass topping up! So they changed all the glassware back at a cost of £2m! That'll teach him!

The fact is I know that I may come across as a complete regionalist but what's wrong of being proud of where you come from, your heritage and local idiosyncrasies? But like i said there are divisions in our ranks too.

It could be worse, I could come from Blackburn!